2006-11-10 - 8:22 a.m.

...FILL WATER...

Weather yesterday: sunny
Weather today: pouring
Time since seeing sunlight: 16 hours

These days I am using our hyper automatic coffee making device - the kind where you push a button and it does just about everything but your taxes. Right now it is sitting behind me with a blinking light that says
.
.
FILL WATER
.
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FILL WATER
.
.
oo, the irony. As K and I lay in bed last night, we heard the following series of noises:
flap.
FLAP FLAP FLAP.
pitter pitter pitter pitter
SWWWoooosh - ****SWIP***
pitter pitter pitter
flap flap flap FLAP FLAP FLAP!!!
SWAAP!

And with that we fell asleep.

This morning I learned the source of these sounds.

Oh wait. First I should explain background. Background is always good. During the LAST major rainstorm (that would be TWO days ago), our roof leaked, a fact that I noticed as I sat right at this very computer, downstairs in this very kitchen. All of a sudden I heard this onomatopoeic:

drip.......drip.......drip.......

which soon became an insistent
dripdripdripdripdripdrip!

right down through the light fixture. So we turned out the light, put a bucket under it, called the landlord, and waited.

I sat at my computer by candlelight to the lovely sounds of DWOIP... DWOIP... DWOIP - as the water hit the filling bucket instead of the floor.

The landlord came, and solved the problem following inspiration from Christo and Jeanne-Claude. He wrapped the entire top porch in a gigantic blue tarp. Because apparently the water was landing on the porch and the unbelievable winds were blowing the water UP the roof and into the part that hadn't been properly sealed during the LAST roof leak.

So we've been living in a duplex inspired by Christo and Jeanne-Claude. Not bad, as long as it works. So let's return to those sounds from last night:

flap. - oo it's getting windy.

FLAP FLAP FLAP - my goodness the wind's picked up even more and that tarp is going nuts.

pitter pitter pitter pitter - sigh. it's raining AGAIN.

SWWWoooosh - ****SWIP*** - more wind and UHOH - there goes the first corner of the tarp.

pitter pitter pitter - huh, what a surprise, it's STILL raining. Wonder what's happenin' with that tarp out there?

flap flap flap flap flap flap - oh, it's still flapping in the wind.

SWAAP! - OOPS, there goes the OTHER corner....

snore. (that last one is me. yes, I snore.)

So this morning I woke up to another day that might as well NOT be day because of how dark it is - to a constant pitter pitter but no flap flap. ??

I walked my sleepy squinty eyes over to the porch door and ... can you see what's coming next?? The tarp had converted itself into that classic geometric shape of a 3D parabola FILLED to the BRIM with cold rainwater.

And I KNEW that it was gonna be another day of DWOIP DWOIP DWOIP unless I got rid of this water quickly. So my first thoughts were to stand at the end and LIFT as hard as I could so that the water spilled out onto the roof. Now talk about an accident just WAITING to happen. Doesn't that solution have a comic ending written all over it? Apart from the fact that I am pretty much SHORTER than the porch and wouldn't be able to lift my end above the end of the porch - do you know how much that amount of water actually weighs? It's friggin' heavy!! (so you see, I actually thought about this).

So, instead I went downstairs and got the DWOIP DWOIP bucket out of the kitchen and proceeded to haul buckets of freezing cold rainwater down to the bathtub. And after the third or fourth bucket I woke K up and had him do it. (and he immediately took the action photo, which I'll have you note, was taken after I'd already removed 3-4 buckets of water!).

We don't have two buckets, so he sent me to make coffee, which is where I've encountered this incredibly tempting "FILL WATER" sign blinking at me.

Anyway, we have reached no solution - there is still a huge 3D parabola of water sitting on our porch - but it's just not full to the brim anymore, it's just full. And I'm off to shower and go to work.

DWOIP. DWOIP.