2007-02-13 - 7:15 p.m.

...diarogue...

A THIRD entry with replies to comments on my SECOND entry of today:

Artgnome - thanks for the kind words. Isn't it interesting how people lead different lives, and know little about each other, but still have the power to put out a little empathy? In fact, you may have recognized the entire nature of that entry. It was not a cry for help - it was pure VENTING, and putting my head in an organized place where I can proceed to solve my own problem. This has been an interesting realization for me through diaryland. I read diaries of some people whose lives are very different from my own. And yet I feel that I am catching up with them when I read it. I am happy with their successes, and sad for their losses.

And doesn't THAT get into the whole weird concept of reading their DIARIES - that ridiculous little book that melodramatic girls used to write about who they had crushes on, and how unfair the world was. Okay Anne Frank wasn't ridiculous. But I've READ some of the stuff that I wrote when I was fifteen. ACK. I should burn it. And here I am putting this stuff up on a webpage for complete strangers to peruse, be amused, be bored, and COMMENT on! yow.

Which brings me - however weirdly and windingly - to Daniel. Thanks for your comment, Daniel. (whoever you are. Kind of freaky to get comments from unknowns. But at least it was a helpful one. Kind of like a diaryland lone-ranger, but not.)

I'm right in line with your thinking, D. I've set up three friendly meetings for coffee/lunch where the goal is not to vent but rather to develop some type of collegial relationship. As it is, I never see them at all, and so my vow from the start is to avoid the urge to scream to the moon about how I feel at the moment. I'd rather just smile and talk about the weather. Or shoes. Or some awards show (maybe not).

And I'm right in line with you on the whole solutions-not-problems approach to superiors. I was not suggesting that I go to my boss and say, "I have a problem." I HAVE gone to him to say, "Can I have some space in the main building with the rest of the department? Perhaps it would help me to integrate into a new department more easily." I've done the same with the loss of my stuff, and with security issues. I really like my chair - I am terribly frustrated at the moment with how much I'm having to handle on my own, but for the most part he's responsive, and so I don't want to abuse it. (and this was right in line with the problem on entry 2 - I just don't know what to target as a potential solution to my problems right now.)

As for developing professional / personal relationships at other local institutions, I'm on that one, too. I have great hopes for someone in a neighboring department - but I don't want to overload her at once. The perspective friend becomes a LEACH. ick.

Elgan, I feel that your intentions are always the best with your d-land friends, but your suggestions make me think that you missed the point. It is obvious to me that one does not make friends "on demand" and making them requires "a little effort." I'm thinking that your comment must have been meant differently from the way I took it, because it felt a little like you were trying to advise me on how to make friends. K and I have regular interactions with people outside of work, also through choir. This takes time, is frustratingly slow, and has its limits...But it does not mean that I am not putting in effort. My main point was that I need a *colleague* who is a friend. Someone who can relate to my particular department, which is a rather unusual one in terms of its range of academic disciplines.

So that was odd. A diary that becomes a dialogue? huh. That's kinda weird.