2003-12-14 - 10:17 a.m.

light at the end..

Hurray! Last night I slept! Some nights simply call for a good ol' American medicinal HAMMER. Last night I whacked myself over the head with Rite Aid brand "Nite Time Cold Formula (cherry flavor)" - nasal decongestant, antihistamine, cough suppressant, pain relever, fever reducer, 10% alcohol (and, I suspect, it also does laundry on the side).

Nothing against the mild herbal and traditional remedies (and thanks to Ilonina and raven for their "hot and sour soup" and "red light treatment" additions to my remedy lists), but they just weren't working. Sometimes you have to go with cold, hard, western chemical medication.

Of course, this meant that last night I couldn't comfort myself with any more wonderfully deep and insightful novels such as "Dreamworld of a Shopaholic" Yes, I did read this two nights ago between coughing fits. It is not a good idea to read a book about conspicuous consumption when you are in the midsts of removing 5 large rubbish bags of old clothing from your wardrobe and storage cellar (collected over the last five-six years, I might add). Then again, it may not be a good idea to read this book anytime you don't have bronchitis and a fever of 38. I kept wondering how big the woman's closets had to be to support her habit. My life is driven by the fear of collecting more "things."

I also kept wondering about the author's attempts to make the heroine sound like a shallow uninformed idiot who only reads beauty magazines and knows and cares nothing about her job. This happened in Bridget Jones' Diary as well - are we career women somehow supposed to identify with this?? Don't get me wrong, I actually loved Bridget Jones's diary in spite of the fact that Bridget's only goal in life was to get a boyfriend...it had enough "true" moments to make Bridget lovable, and to make it so I could gloss over the itchy parts. But sometimes the going-nowhere-ness of these popular women characters bothers me a little. Wouldn't it be nice to have cult-popular misunderstood brainy heroine for once? I mean, brainy women are funny, too.

Okay, that little diversion aside, I am also nearing the end of the packing tunnel. I have a small list of "must dos" today, and then I can relax. Have cancelled all attendances at parties and concerts for the rest of the weekend, possibly also tomorrow. I don't know how I thought I could possibly do all of these things in the first place!

Last night was far more relaxing. I skipped the orchestra party and both "A" and "K" came by. K brought soup and tea, A brought apples, oranges, and cheese. We feasted, I packed, A studied in the other room, we baked shortbread, burned CDs and then watched "The Producers" and cuddled with the cats on the sofa. It was just so homey - it's the evening I will use to remember my last nights in this apartment. As "A" left she became weepy - and then it occurred to me to become weepy too, because she was right - these are the last days of my life in Germany. Although I will still be in Germany and certainly be comfortable living with K, everything changes tomorrow. The next month is merely an interim between two permanents.

It doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to the interim (K is being so wonderful in planning for my coming to his place!), maybe I'm scared a little - my last living-with-boyfriend experiences - even the two-week venture - were disasters. That doesn't mean that this has to be the same, but....Lord, grant me patience and realistic expectation!

Okay, back to the packing...in a slightly more cheerful, hopeful state.