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2004-02-06 - 2:09 p.m.

TGIF! TGIF! T G I F!!!!!!!!!

Hurray! I survived the week!! This means I made it through all 8 hours of lectures. I wouldn't say that my performance was spectacular (I can't believe that I panicked and said that refraction and scattering are the same thing.) But I made it through.

The low point was when I suffered a sense-of-humor failure on Tuesday evening, especially after my explanation of the atmospheric heat budget failed so miserably. I sat at home at my kitchen table and just cried. Thinking of the day, thinking of all the work that still lay ahead, thinking of all the other administrative tasks that must get done and yet must be ignored - and thinking that this is a lonely and isolated life, working on a corridor of locked doors and colleagues you never see, in a place where I am friendless.

But then I did the only thing that I could do - I wiped the tears away and I tucked my chin down and redescribed the heat budget in a new and different way for Thursday. And clearly wrote out the four main points I wanted them to come away with. I turned off the phones and just worked like a dog until Thursday morning. All of my dreams were sadly devoted to powerpoint presentations, finding information on Google, describing latent heat exchange. Unfortunately, one does not get paid overtime for dreams. One is simply then twice as exhausted the following workday.

I have worked at least 15 hours per day on these lectures since Monday. But Thursday I had the feeling that the class is beginning to come with me. They are figuring out where my humor lies. They are contributing their own experiences. I am not losing their respect when I make mistakes or say I don't know something (I don't think I am, at least I hope not).

Ah well. There are some good things this week. Beloved A found a cheap ticket to NY and she and I will romp around the city together next week. I am sooo looking forward to seeing her.

I also learned that I've received funding to return to J*na, Germany next summer. Summer salary secured!!

And last night I took the time to reply to Tony, who has been sending me concerned emails all week. I took the route of honesty, which I think he appreciated, which ultimately will allow me to be more comfortable with him in the future.

And now, I am three-quarters finished with my lectures for Tuesday. I have a problem set to think up, and two syllabuses (syllabi?) to finish. But this is far superior to my progress last week! Maybe it does get better.

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