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2005-06-15 - 9:33 p.m.

...the end of holiday, the beginning of summer...

lordy o hallelujia (!) the temperatures have dropped. I am not very good with high temperatures. (and I am prone to understatement).

Today I felt like a human again, so much so that I walked to and from work. I love that the semester is over so that I have the luxury of the simple exercise of walking. Tomorrow I will try the same, that is if the temperatures remain tolerable.

K just returned to Germany on Sunday. Once again, it took about half of his visit for me to get used to his being here, and then another half to be convinced that I am going to miss him. and then his last day arrived and I wanted to be entirely by myself equally as much as I wanted him to stay forever, if that makes any sense. I've grown accustomed to being alone.

We did have a lovely visit to the St. Lawrence River with all of my family. I love it up there, and I am always struck with paradoxical urges to do nothing and to go out and exercise like crazy. This particular time it did not matter because in addition to K and my parents, my brother's family was also there.

It was wonderful to see my brother's family. And also not so wonderful given that I wanted to relax. K, me and my parents make up a relaxing group. When you increase that group to seven (and include a five-year-old child who is used to being the center of everything), the notion of relaxation is out the window. My brother always wants to be doing something or going somewhere. I usually want to be sitting and reading because this is my vacation - but this is considered anti-social. And thus, my vacation becomes NOT a vacation.

I don't really want to complain about my brother - or my niece - because I like them. I think it is more an issue of having an extremely limited amount of time with K, limited time with my parents, and very limited time to relax.

My stepfather observed me during this little holiday: "Teranika's under quite a bit of stress, isn't she?" I believe the exact expression is that I have quite a few balls in the air - and several unresolved situations that have remained unresolved for quite a long time. In fact, even post-holiday, I must confess that I remain on the border of exploding.

And so, I will continue to walk to and from school. I will read in the evenings. I will practice smiling and laughing at least twice a day.

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