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2005-10-08 - 11:15 a.m. I really that scary?...

Entry 2 for today...

This evening my friend Ally has a concert in the East Village, and I am deciding whether or not to go. Part of me wants to be a slug. Part of me is worried that there are elements in our friendship that need to be dealt with...

Ally called this summer in dire financial straits, and so I offered to hire her to produce a webpage for a project on which I am working. There were some problems with our end of the organization, but then Ally completely dropped the ball. She just stopped contacting the woman with whom she was supposed to liaise. She also stopped replying to any of my friendly emails and posts.

Ally sent an email in which she explained that she had experienced an extremely severe back problem and hadn't been able to move, but that she would call the project manager. She never called.

Finally our project manager just hired someone else to finish the job. I'm a little embarrassed, a little disappointed, too. But I am trying to wait until I hear the whole story from Ally directly. But it gets harder to do that because she doesn't call. Then again, I haven't had time to give her a call either (although replying to my friendly notes would be a start, wouldn't it?).

Anyway, instead of personal contact, I received a mass-mailing invitation to come to her show this evening..but I don't really want to go. I am tired from work (see previous post), and work exhaustion makes it difficult to deal with a potentially emotional ordeal.

There will be another concert next weekend and my friend Joe has offered to come with me to that one. It is much later in the evening, but I might put it off til then. Then again, everytime I've scheduled anything with Joe, he's cancelled. Have I mentioned before that my two main NY friends seem to be somewhat unreliable?

Ally has told me before that it is difficult to live up to my high standards. I am not sure what that means exactly, but she explains that not everyone will feel "undaunted" by life the way that I do. What she doesn't understand is that I am as overwhelmed by change as anyone else - I just try not to let it stop me. Anyway, I am guessing that she is waiting for ME to bring up the topic. I know that we will discuss this sometime and that all will be okay. But I guess I'm just not ready to do it yet.

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