2006-03-09 - 8:33 p.m.
Our work on this proposal is in full swing, and we are approaching the wire. This is the largest proposal I've ever attempted (US$3 million), and also the most half-assed I've felt about getting my shit together on it. It feels half-assed because I simply do not understand all the separate parts of the proposal individually. I feel like the one person on the proposal who has no expertise. But I am in the position of herding everyone together to do their specialized parts individually. I guess that means: "Coordinator."
I've never thought of myself as a coordinator, but now that I am in the position, I see that perhaps I am one. Aren't coordinators the ones who have the overview, but not necessarily the detailed picture? Maybe that is me.
If so, then I realize that I have turned into Attila - she was always the coordinator. This is like realizing that you have become the worst part of your parents. Except, maybe there is hope. Maybe I have taken the good parts of Attila - her incredible ability to coordinate, and her amazing perception of the larger scientific picture - and left behind the bad parts - the paranoid bitch-ass psycho heap of evil. Yes, I would like to think of it that way.
leave a note
...they are just words, Suzi... - 2011-08-29