2009-11-19 - 10:16 a.m.
Thank you everyone for your words. I'm slowly getting over smarting from my own stupidity. Still occasionally, my mind replays the incidents and my cheeks begin to sting with relived embarrassment and disbelief that I actually said those things.
Yesterday I "hid" fairly effectively - I had meetings at a different campus. Today I have at least four hours of meetings, though. I can already tell that I will be humbly quiet, which actually isn't a bad thing, because it inevitably shortens meetings when participants do not feel the need to bring up new points.
My colleague has sort of canceled all meetings with me for the rest of the year. Actually, we are all so completely busy that he may or may not have been thinking of this incident. I'm thinking that a hiatus which involves only email communication for a while will give us the opportunity to let the dominant professionalism be the greatest memory of our interactions. We are still working together, and I'm being especially careful to make sure that all efforts are recognized. Graciousness and positive feedback can only help.
I still think that I've broken something that cannot easily be fixed - trust. But academic colleagues are generally colleagues for life. There's a lot of road ahead of us and a lot of chances to prove by example that this was not the me I wish to be.
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...they are just words, Suzi... - 2011-08-29